Tall human, hairy face. Has brought own bag (plastic). One ready meal: PriceCut Special LoSalt Lasagne. 6 tall cans No Frills lager. Large bag pork scratchings. Bip, bip, bip.
Small human, hairless face. Yellow hair with two tails. Pick ‘n’ Mix; strong preference for fizzy worms. Bip.
Long thin human, hairless face. Long straight hair; long straight turquoise attire. Some evidence of knees. Feet: artificial height enhancers. Masottina Le Rive di Ogliano Millesimato Extra Dry Prosecco di Conegliano-Valdobbiadene Superiore DOCG, 6 bottles. 2 packs Private Selection Finest Hors d’Oeuvres. Ibuprofen (generic), 1 pack. Bip bip bip.
Perfect size human, hairless face. Symmetrical chestnut hair. Pleasing peach face. Soft, in all right places. One ready meal: chicken curry for one. Oh! One small screw-top bottle of dry white wine. OH! Bip, bip, my heart goes bip. Are you dining alone? Bip! 12-pack, Durex XL Comfort condoms. Bip!?
…are strange wee beasties.
These are some of the fascinating things I have learnt about my new home in Paris in the first few days:
* In a supermarket, you have to weigh fruit and get the price yourself – there are no magic checkout scales. Failure to do so risks incurring scornful looks and aggravated hand-waving.
* A man may knock on your apartment door looking for a chimney. Although the word “cheminée” sounds pretty familiar, preconception can be one’s downfall here – whoever heard of a chimney in an apartment?
* The art of patisserie making being extremely advanced in France, one may be asked how well done one would like one’s pain au raisin. Certain steak vocabulary can clearly be recycled – I intend to ask for it “blue” next time.
Yes, first impressions are never very deep. My Japanese students used to be greatly disappointed to hear that my first impression of Japan was that “it was very hot”. I could have added “like walking through soup”, if that would have helped?
This is where I live. Broadly speaking.
From here on May 23rd 2008.