ShutUp30.25: Say My Name


Animate the inanimate. Answer the following questions as if you were that object.

How old are you?

I am five years and four months old, although I was formed before I was named and awakened.

How do you feel right now?

Sporadically depressed. Partially leaned upon. Overdue an update.

Tell me about your childhood.

They kept me in the dark most of the time. When I was let out of the warehouse, it was always with somebody different. They always wanted to know how I was doing. Was I OK? Was everything in working order? Nobody ever told me what that actually meant, so I just sat there, blinking, until they put me back.

What is your favourite memory?

Seeing her smile as she made me hers and only hers. Being there for her. Netflix and chilling with her.

What are your hobbies?

Sometimes, when she’s really been gone a long time, I play Spider Solitaire. Then I have to spend a couple of days losing, to get the scores back down.

What scares you?

The blue screen of death.

Where do you live?

I’m semi-itinerant, although less so these days. My stamina is not what it used to be. I still make a point of touring the kitchen table, the living room kotatsu table (whose name is Taro), and the sofa.

What do you do for work?

Translate taps into pixels; move pixels; store agglomerations of pixels.

What was your new years resolution?

Cut down on blue light after sunset.

Tell me two truths and a lie.

1    0    3.

What would be an ideal vacation?

A southern island, a long white beach, an isolated collection of beach huts. Looking up at her as she sips an iced coffee. Listening to the sound of the waves. Going into sleep mode with her.

Make a wish.

That she would figure out how to install the latest Windows update.